|Posted on March 14, 2018 at 12:25 AM||comments (0)|
Feeling inspired from the International Woman’s Day event that I attended yesterday. I have been adding bits and pieces to this article over the last few months (that’s all I can manage for time right now). But I do have something to share – In fact, I have a lot to share. I am ready to start sharing my voice and my passions more frequently… I just haven’t found the right platform yet. So here it goes…
I started this article a few months ago titled “My regret as a Mother”. I am not certain it’s true regret, but it’s certainly something I would do differently next time. I thought I was doing the right thing because I was following the steps of the majority of young Mothers that I am aware of in North America. I thought I was doing the right thing by going back to work after one year, working really hard to progress my career so that I could be happy with the “whole package”. As it turns out, now that I am 5 years in to being a Mom, My one regret is working a full time job during the first five years. Now that I am at the five year mark with our child, I can see how taking it slow and working part-time for the first five years would have been the best thing for all of us (My husband, My Son and My Self). Regardless of the sacrifices that would have to take place on a part-time income, having less financially would far outweigh a career and all the time I can never get back. And it’s funny to “wish” that I had thought things through at the time because back when our son was one year and I was ready to go back to work, I was caring for a baby, new to the demands of Motherhood – I didn’t have time to “think” about what to do. It’s such a busy time in life and there isn’t much space to think things through or to “process” thoughts the way I do now (or the way I did before Parenthood). I found that whatever plan I went into Motherhood with, I just stuck to that without reflecting on what might be best now.
I think every woman should “pause” life in the first five years to spend time at home, time with their child, spend time on their relationship with their significant other – that’s when the whole family needs it most. I thought that being a Mother was difficult but when I look back, it was the lack of time I had to really be a Mother that was difficult.
I know that women have fought so long for our right to work, our right to be equal – and there is still a long way to go. I also know that no woman ever said Motherhood would be easy, but nobody ever said that it actually works in this new world of equality, both partners needing to contribute in order to make ends meet. Being a Mom and working full time in the first five years just isn’t right to me. And it may work for other people… or may appear to work for other people, however when I see the rate of divorce among new parents with small children and relationships that become torn, I can’t help but think that a little more time invested in the Family life could help people save their relationships and their families.
Tips from me to you:
· Date night isn’t for dating – it’s to communicate – never underestimate the importance of this event. Do anything you can to make it happen weekly
· Try not to make any major moves/life-changing decisions in the first two years – this one is tough because we have such an urge to change things to make being a Mother easier. Give everyone in your new family time to adjust to one another the ways things are before you decide you need to change something on the outside
· Write down your plan going into Parenthood (whether it was a planned pregnancy or not, prior to baby arriving, you have nine months to think about and write it down) – Review your plan at the one year mark, review it with your partner as well to see if this still works for you (or to remind you that you did have a plan and you are sticking to it)
· Do your research on Family dynamics – Explore options of Career Moms, stay at home Dads, sharing parental leave (taking time off at the same time), co-parenting, Sister Wives … Explore it all. I have learned that the North American “norm” isn’t what actually works
· Dive into your career after the 5 year mark - Once your child/children have passed the five year mark, they are much more independent and the family dynamics are usually settled, so you can re-focus on yourself again
For those who are only thinking about babies but you have not yet decided… You will meet people who will tell you not to have children - I don’t believe that is a fair statement. The experience of having a child is so unique to everyone; the way that each person experiences the changes that unfold as a result of bringing a child in to the world are such unique experiences. I think it is impossible for anyone to know if you should have children or not. I think some people will tell you not to have children and others will tell you you need to have children – everyone has their own reasons and own experiences. I can tell you from my own experience as once a person completely fulfilled by my passion of helping others I know that human beings can be completely fulfilled with or with-out having children. Fulfillment comes from following your true passion; for some people, following that true passion is bringing a new life into the world, others are satisfied with dedicating their life to helping others or travelling the world to experience everything there is to experience.
Whatever you decide, take some time to investigate what makes sense. Know that the systems and timelines that are in place right now to allow women to fit into the workforce “equally” have not been proven when it comes to balancing life and having a wholesome family. Many organizations have a long way to go before we can truly allow women into the workforce while still honouring the natural (human) instincts that come with being a Mother. I encourage you to follow the tips I have provided along with an endless amount of your own research to know what is right for you and your family. We have to find a way to contribute passionately to the workforce while still honouring being part of a functional Family that needs us.
|Posted on November 8, 2013 at 4:25 PM||comments (0)|
We are all Leaders....
This Year, October 31 2013, is what I consider to be Jaxon's first Halloween - He is 14 months old and much more alert and aware than last year. In our Family, we always carve pumpkins and hand out candy, not usually decorating or dressing up. Jaxon wore orange and black instead of a costume.
The first time our door knocked he was a little unsure of what was going on but we brought him to the door to greet the children trick-or-treating. He watched me hand out chocolates to the kids and he smiled at them politely. When the second group knocked at the door Jaxon looked toward the door and then walked right over to see what was behind it. He watched me hand out chocolates again and after the kids left he grabbed a chocolate out of the bowl and held it up towards the door. By the time the third group knocked at the door, Jaxon was ready: He knew what the knock meant, he walked with excitement toward the door and waited for me to open it. He grabbed the chocolates and handed one to each trick-or-treat-er.
Children are brilliant! Only two times observing and he knew exactly what to do. And this is what I want to share with you:
Not only am I reminded of how intelligent these young children are but I relate it to a lesson we can all learn from: Great leaders lead by example. They act as a model of the results they want to see and they encourage the behaviour in others. And we are all capable of being great leaders.
Our actions have much more of an impact than our words. Although Jaxon can not speak and I did not explain in words to him exactly what to do, he observed and acted out the same motions. It is a reminder that for all of us, actions mean more than our words. The way we act and carry ourselves is paramount to the words that we speak.
If you are looking for a change, you must first be the example of that change. If you are looking to be treated a certain way, or looking for a certain result in your life, you must first model that behaviour to those around you before that change can happen. The impact your actions have on those around you is epic.
Never underestimate the power of your actions and the influence you have on others. You do not need to speak in order to propel change however you do need to reflect on your actions and know that your actions never go unnoticed. If you would like to see positive change around you, know that you are a leader always holding the potential to be greater and greater. Here are some tips in leading change:
- act in the way you want others to act towards you
- do the things for others that you wish you had done for you
- be there for others in ways you wish others were there for you
- always reflect on your actions, and adjust accordingly
- always make decisions that will reflect your integrity
- know that all of your actions will be reflected back to you
Each of us holds such great power, potential and the ability to influence change around us. We are all leaders with the potential to become greater and greater. The key is in awareness: Now that we are aware of the influence our actions have on those around us and ultimately the affect our actions have on our own lives, we can make conscious choices, think about our actions and make adjustments to start a new trend in our lives.
Power comes from knowing your own strengths and knowing where to use them - now that you know your strength lies in your actions, and your actions are reflected back to you, What changes & choices will you make to be a great leader and make great changes?
Love and Success,
|Posted on March 11, 2013 at 2:55 PM||comments (0)|
I feel like I have been wrapped up tight inside a cocoon living in another time zone (which some days feels like another planet). Yes, I am discovering the joys and challenges of being a new Mother.
I would like to officially announce the arrival of our baby boy Jaxon Jacob Varga September 8 2012. He has been a happy healthy baby from day one after a smooth full term pregnancy.
Learning about being a Mother comes a lot from trusting my instincts - this I have found to be more difficult than ever before, as trusting my instincts now affects a whole other Life. I am also learning from my son the natural wonder there is in discovering new things. He has such a beautiful interest in all new things and he does not judge anything. He is proving that each moment is what it is and then we move on... It is only our minds that hold onto the past. He can cry one minute and laugh the next and he isn't afraid to ask for what he needs each moment. It is beautiful.
Parenthood has also catulpulted me into an intense self discovery course which I thought I had already taken;). Being a new parent I have discovered many more little things about myself (the way I make decisions, process information, the judgements and past emotions that I hold onto). Bening an aware parent is very intersting.
Along with all of that, I am also learning about balancing all the different roles I am so that there is room for everything that energizes me - being a Wife, Mother, Entrepreneur, Coach, Daughter, Sister, Friend.... And so much more. I am staying aware of the different ways I can be busy that energize me and then the different ways I can be busy that drain me.
I am slowly finding time for my business while focusing on being a Mother and Wife for my beautiful Family. My coaching business is one that I always have room for as I find the connection to others energizes all of us.I will post things as I go along and I have created a section called "What My Newborn Taught Me" - I will make more time to add to this so that you can read along and post your comments and stories with me.
Thank You for your support.
And thank You to Jake and Jaxon.
Love and Success,
|Posted on December 19, 2012 at 10:45 AM||comments (0)|
Be in the moment > it only takes a second to follow a thought in my mind - what to make for dinner...how am I going to make it to the store... did I forget to remind my husband... my list of "to do's"... - and that trail of thought can lead to a long road of past and future events. Those thoughts take us out of the moment. It's far too easy to spend time doing one task while your mind floats to a million different places and that is a sure sign of living out of the moment.
Thankfully, the challenges of a newborn baby come with many great gifts. The needs of a newborn are immediate - it's that simple - he has a need that moment and your provide to him. Newborns are living completely in the moment and as a Mother my job demand is to keep up with him in each moment. Though it only takes a second for my mind to trail off, I have this beautiful dark eyed baby looking up at me and he brings me right back from anywhere I trailed off to.
It is a beautiful gift from my baby boy and a true reminder of how simple life can be in the moment.